1
00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:05,713
(theme music playing)

2
00:00:18,135 --> 00:00:20,144
(whistle blows on TV)

3
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:25,390
Uncle Bernie,
I figured it out.
Hmm? What's that?

4
00:00:25,467 --> 00:00:27,818
I want to do the lost
city of Atlanta.

5
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:31,030
You mean Atlantis.
(chuckles)

6
00:00:31,973 --> 00:00:33,190
What's all this?

7
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,192
You got mermaids,
buried treasures.

8
00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:37,360
What's all this scribblies?
Shrimp buffet.

9
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:38,987
It's plans for my birthday.

10
00:00:39,064 --> 00:00:40,530
Your birthday
is not until next month.

11
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,624
I know. We have a lot
of work to do.

12
00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:45,869
You mean to tell me
you just gonna come up in here

13
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,371
and hand your uncle
a drawing, right?

14
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,759
And tell m...
Uh-uh, it ain't going on. Here.

15
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,127
But I want a party.

16
00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:56,171
You're going to have a party,

17
00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:58,423
a nice, quiet birthday party
with the family.

18
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,927
But I told everybody
we're doing lost
city of Atlantis.

19
00:01:02,003 --> 00:01:03,929
Well, I'll tell you
what you do.

20
00:01:04,005 --> 00:01:05,555
Now you go back
and you tell everybody

21
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,558
that you all can't find
the lost city of Atlantis, okay?

22
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,737
And you're definitely
not going to find it
in Bernie Mac's backyard.

23
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,983
(sighs)

24
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:20,278
Dinosaurs,
space station, Atlantis.

25
00:01:20,355 --> 00:01:22,781
How did we get to this, America?

26
00:01:22,858 --> 00:01:26,284
Kids expecting parties that cost
as much as small weddings?

27
00:01:26,361 --> 00:01:27,794
Wow.

28
00:01:27,871 --> 00:01:30,205
See, that's because parents
today are too indulgent.

29
00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:33,342
See, we teach our kids
to expect everything.

30
00:01:33,418 --> 00:01:36,586
When I came up,
I didn't expect nothing,

31
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:40,423
'cause Big Mama
kept it simple, real simple.

32
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,802
MAMA: Bernard, you know
what I just realized?

33
00:01:43,879 --> 00:01:46,230
Yesterday
was your birthday.

34
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,014
It was?

35
00:01:48,091 --> 00:01:50,859
Here. Have the rest
of my beans.

36
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:53,237
Happy birthday, baby.

37
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:55,531
♪ That's right, you're gone ♪

38
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,868
And I was the spoiled one.

39
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,163
(down-tempo music playing)

40
00:02:13,408 --> 00:02:15,375
(up-tempo music playing)

41
00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:18,461
The way that girl's been
sulking around here
is just depressing.

42
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:21,840
Oh, sweetheart, come on,
I gave her the Atlantis.

43
00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:24,509
(scoffs)
A ceramic knickknack

44
00:02:24,586 --> 00:02:26,636
that's found at the bottom
of a fish tank?

45
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,389
Wanda, I'm trying to be
the best doggone parent

46
00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:32,684
I possibly can...
without spoiling the kids.

47
00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:36,229
But at least can we let her
invite some of her friends?

48
00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:38,190
I mean, come on, she just
started a new school,

49
00:02:38,266 --> 00:02:40,576
and this would
be so good for her.

50
00:02:43,146 --> 00:02:45,289
Hey, Baby Girl!

51
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:47,115
Come on,
get your pancakes!

52
00:02:47,192 --> 00:02:48,292
Uncle Bernie.
Hmm?

53
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,377
Can you pass
the chocolate milk?
Sure.

54
00:02:52,447 --> 00:02:54,506
Mmm! My hand's thirsty.

55
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,927
Jordan, what
are you doing?

56
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:03,765
Say, that's pretty good.

57
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,436
They should put this milk
on the side of a milk carton,

58
00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:11,389
because it's
mysteriously vanished.

59
00:03:11,466 --> 00:03:15,143
Aw, I forgot
to hook up the bladder!

60
00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:17,437
Oh, Jordan, now,
look at your shirt.

61
00:03:17,514 --> 00:03:19,522
Go on in there
and change your shirt.

62
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,366
(groans)
I hope you curdle.

63
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,203
Baby Girl, hurry up!

64
00:03:24,279 --> 00:03:26,872
Come on. Get your pancakes
before they get cold, now!

65
00:03:31,236 --> 00:03:32,860
Hey, what you still
doing in here?

66
00:03:32,938 --> 00:03:36,081
I made you pancakes.
You usually be the
first one down there.

67
00:03:36,157 --> 00:03:37,916
I don't feel
like pancakes.

68
00:03:37,993 --> 00:03:39,242
I hope you don't
feel like that

69
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:41,762
about your birthday
cake at your party.

70
00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:43,596
Party?

71
00:03:43,674 --> 00:03:45,215
That's right. That's
usually how it go.
Thank you, Uncle Bernie!

72
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,975
Oh, you're welcome,
sweetheart.

73
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,719
But remember, baby
girl, no Atlantis.

74
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:53,098
Just old school cake,
old school ice cream,

75
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,859
and a few friends, okay?
Yay!

76
00:03:57,262 --> 00:03:58,737
Where you going?

77
00:03:58,814 --> 00:04:00,239
Pancakes.

78
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,691
Wanda's right, America.

79
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:06,069
It is important for Bryana
to fit in and have friends...

80
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,487
but it's also important to keep

81
00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:10,240
your kids'
expectations in check.

82
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,367
See, that way, they'll learn

83
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:16,162
to truly appreciate
what they do get.

84
00:04:16,239 --> 00:04:19,549
(up-tempo music playing)
(kids screaming)

85
00:04:21,878 --> 00:04:23,762
Riley, you made it!

86
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,383
Uncle Bernie, this is Riley,
my new best friend.
Hmm?

87
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:29,676
Hi.
Hi, Riley.

88
00:04:29,753 --> 00:04:32,595
Nice to meet you.
Give me that. Run along.

89
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,723
Okay.
Thank you so much
for having Riley.

90
00:04:34,799 --> 00:04:37,526
I mean, those two
are like peas in a pod.
I'll say.

91
00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:41,321
All we hear from Bryana
is Riley, Riley, Riley.
(grunting)

92
00:04:41,398 --> 00:04:43,106
Hey, stick around.

93
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,633
We got coffee
and cake later.

94
00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:46,776
Okay, I think I can see
where this is going.
(chuckles)

95
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,653
We'll head out
before you ask us to stay

96
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:51,281
and help chaperone.
Thank you.

97
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,365
Can't hurt a man
for trying.

98
00:04:52,442 --> 00:04:54,459
Nice to meet you.
Bye.

99
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:59,423
(fanfare playing)

100
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,624
ALL: Wow!
(cheering)

101
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,877
Uncle Bernie, Jordan's
ruining my party!

102
00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:07,297
What are you talking about?
I'm a hit!

103
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,933
Okay, pick a
card, any card.

104
00:05:11,636 --> 00:05:13,928
Okay, now put it
on top of the deck.

105
00:05:14,005 --> 00:05:18,516
Okay. (sighs)
Prepare to be amazed
by the Amazing Jordini.

106
00:05:18,593 --> 00:05:21,978
Are they tricks?
Are they illusions?

107
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,448
Or are they magic?

108
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:27,275
Was it... the eight of clubs?

109
00:05:27,352 --> 00:05:29,986
Oh, my gosh, it was!
It is magic!

110
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,738
ALL: Wow!

111
00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:33,448
It's not magic.
It's called palming.

112
00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:35,325
He keeps the card
on his palm,

113
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,160
then puts it on the bottom
of the deck.

114
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:40,372
ALL (groaning): Aw...

115
00:05:40,448 --> 00:05:43,500
Oh, my God!
You told my trick!

116
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,335
That's a crime against magic!

117
00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:47,545
If Houdini were alive,
he would kill you.

118
00:05:47,622 --> 00:05:49,672
But, since he's not,
I'm going to have to.

119
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:51,975
(all gasping)
Jordini, hey, hey, hey, hey,
calm down now.

120
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,219
Let's see if you can
disappear to your
own room, okay?

121
00:05:54,295 --> 00:05:55,512
BRYANA: Moon bounce!

122
00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:57,731
Yeah!
(kids squealing)

123
00:06:00,301 --> 00:06:01,601
Honey.
Huh?

124
00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:03,311
You did a good thing
here today.

125
00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:04,938
Thank you.

126
00:06:05,014 --> 00:06:06,981
She's really enjoying
herself, isn't she?

127
00:06:07,058 --> 00:06:08,400
Oh, she's having a blast.

128
00:06:08,476 --> 00:06:10,527
(kids laughing)

129
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,579
(up-tempo music playing)

130
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,624
(mutters)

131
00:06:24,576 --> 00:06:26,176
BERNIE: Kids,
time for cake!

132
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:28,053
(kids screaming)

133
00:06:34,669 --> 00:06:37,062
I love cake! I love cake!

134
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,439
I love cake!

135
00:06:41,176 --> 00:06:42,350
(screams)

136
00:06:42,427 --> 00:06:45,061
(thud)
(kids gasping)

137
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,530
Oh, my God.

138
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:50,316
Sweetheart, are you...
are you all right?

139
00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:53,611
(inhaling)

140
00:06:53,688 --> 00:06:57,749
Oh, Lord, here it comes...

141
00:06:58,568 --> 00:07:01,586
(screaming)

142
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,248
Oh, sweetheart,
you know what?

143
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,542
I think it's smarter
to go with a white cast.

144
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:09,794
Therefore, your friends
can sign their names,

145
00:07:09,871 --> 00:07:11,629
make different designs
on it for you.

146
00:07:11,706 --> 00:07:13,423
What you think?
Riley.

147
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,883
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey.

148
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:16,509
Hey, you, sweet pea,
how you doing?

149
00:07:16,586 --> 00:07:18,428
Doctor said it's broken.

150
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,721
They're going to put
a cast on it.

151
00:07:19,797 --> 00:07:21,565
MOTHER: Oh, my goodness.
Oh, you poor dear.

152
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:23,433
Well, it looks like
somebody finally got

153
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,351
a way out of their
violin lessons, huh?
(chuckles)

154
00:07:25,428 --> 00:07:26,695
BERNIE: Excuse me.
Yeah?

155
00:07:26,771 --> 00:07:28,947
May I talk to you
for a minute, please?
Sure.

156
00:07:30,725 --> 00:07:32,784
Listen, man, I feel
so awful, man,
Aw...

157
00:07:32,861 --> 00:07:34,393
what happened,
man, so, um,

158
00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:37,405
I'd like to pay
for y-your daughter's
hospital bills.

159
00:07:37,482 --> 00:07:39,115
Oh, geez, Bernie,
that's very generous, but...

160
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:42,577
No, no, no, no,
no, no, I insist.
All of 'em.

161
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:45,830
Wow. Hey... thank you.

162
00:07:45,907 --> 00:07:47,290
(doorbell rings)

163
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:50,177
(whistling melody)

164
00:07:51,829 --> 00:07:54,681
Mr. Bernie Mac.
Oh, from the Quiggs.

165
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:56,641
Oh.

166
00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:59,186
Must be the hospital bill.

167
00:08:02,173 --> 00:08:03,982
(mutters)

168
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:08,069
Hey...

169
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:12,106
Bernie Mac being sued?!
Negligence?!

170
00:08:12,183 --> 00:08:14,943
You can say whatever the hell
you want to say about me.

171
00:08:15,019 --> 00:08:17,153
Call me ugly,
say you don't like me.

172
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:22,033
Hell, even say I ain't funny,
but don't call me the "N" word.

173
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,827
Negligence?!
If I was a negligent parent,

174
00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:27,413
those kids would still
be in Chicago.

175
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:28,798
Negligence?!

176
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,508
I'm not taking no negligence
charge, I'm telling you!

177
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:40,519
Now, you earn your 250 an hour!

178
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,029
Three-fifty an hour?

179
00:08:44,007 --> 00:08:47,308
I don't care what you earn.
Just make it happen.

180
00:08:47,385 --> 00:08:48,726
Doggone it now.

181
00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:50,687
Hate I met those Quiggs...

182
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,313
and that clumsy
little-ass daughter,

183
00:08:52,390 --> 00:08:54,607
falling on her...
Hey, hey, Riley.

184
00:08:54,684 --> 00:08:55,659
Hi.

185
00:08:59,731 --> 00:09:02,865
(whispering)
What the hell she doing here?

186
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:03,992
What are you
talking about?

187
00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:05,535
She's still
Bryana's friend.

188
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,837
Or did you neglect
that detail?

189
00:09:08,990 --> 00:09:11,040
(car horn honks)

190
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,085
Oh, hey, Bernie.
Hey, nothing, man.
You suing me.

191
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:16,278
I ought to give you
a real reason to sue to me.

192
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,965
Whoa, wait a minute.
Now I can understand your
being a little bit upset...

193
00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:21,551
Little bit upset?
You're suing me, man!

194
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:24,762
No, no, we're suing
the situation, not you.

195
00:09:24,839 --> 00:09:27,098
I got a situation:
a legal document stating

196
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,424
that I'm a negligent parent.

197
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,393
Oh, come on, Bernie,
that's just legalese.

198
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,020
Legalese.
It's legalese.

199
00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:34,147
We're simply going after
the insurance company.

200
00:09:34,223 --> 00:09:36,065
I mean, we are entitled
to some compensation.

201
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,526
Wait a minute. Didn't I offer
to pay your bills?

202
00:09:38,603 --> 00:09:40,069
Didn't I offer
to pay your bills?!

203
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,280
You know, Riley showed
a tremendous aptitude

204
00:09:42,357 --> 00:09:44,907
for the violin,
and now who knows?

205
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:47,702
Bottom line is,
that's why you have
insurance, right?

206
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:49,912
Ooh...

207
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:52,915
Can you believe that guy,
America?

208
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:55,209
He's admitting
I'm not negligent.

209
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:59,464
Just trying to get something
for nothing... at my expense!

210
00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:03,718
Showing up here acting
like sunshine and lollipops.

211
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,803
He just lucky
Baby Girl was inside.

212
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:10,600
Otherwise, I've got negligence
all over his thieving ass.

213
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,485
I'll tell you what, baby...

214
00:10:12,562 --> 00:10:15,530
it's time for Baby Girl
to make a new best friend.

215
00:10:15,607 --> 00:10:17,741
But I want to go
to Riley's sleepover.

216
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:20,109
All my friends are
going to be there.

217
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,653
I know that, sweetheart,

218
00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:24,039
but our lawyer
feels, right now,

219
00:10:24,115 --> 00:10:26,699
that you all shouldn't
be playing together.

220
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:31,162
See, Riley's father feels
that the accident was my fault.

221
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:35,050
Maybe, if we pay him
the money, then I can go.

222
00:10:37,379 --> 00:10:38,503
Um...

223
00:10:38,579 --> 00:10:41,047
(down-tempo music playing)

224
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:43,341
Oh, man, don't ask me.

225
00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:45,518
Kids just love sleepovers.

226
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:48,680
This sleepover's
very important to Baby Girl.

227
00:10:48,756 --> 00:10:51,474
What you want me to say?

228
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:54,653
There's got to be
something I can do.

229
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:56,655
Uh-huh.

230
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,617
Uh-huh.

231
00:11:02,979 --> 00:11:04,746
Uh-huh.

232
00:11:07,442 --> 00:11:10,126
(kids chattering faintly)

233
00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:15,665
Oh, hey, Bernie.
Hey.

234
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,074
How you doing?

235
00:11:17,152 --> 00:11:18,918
Gosh, I'm so glad you
decided to let Bryana come.

236
00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:20,345
Riley's going
to be thrilled.

237
00:11:20,422 --> 00:11:22,964
Hold, hold,
hold on one minute.

238
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,718
I have a release form here,
and what it says is

239
00:11:26,794 --> 00:11:29,679
anything that Baby Girl does
is not actionable.

240
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:33,316
(chuckling) Oh, Bernie.
I'm not gonna sign that.

241
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,102
Well, she can't come in,
I'm sorry.

242
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,396
It's your choice. Sorry.

243
00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:40,022
You're right.
It is my choice.

244
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:40,857
Come on, Baby Girl.

245
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,442
Wait, Uncle Bernie. Wait.

246
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:44,619
No, Uncle Bernie.
Let's go.

247
00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:49,574
I tried, America.
You saw me.

248
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:51,576
Now, what am I
supposed to do?

249
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,746
I can't have Baby
Girl in there.

250
00:11:54,822 --> 00:11:56,497
I can get sued
for something else.

251
00:11:56,574 --> 00:11:59,792
Okay, what if she breaks
a Barbie doll?

252
00:11:59,869 --> 00:12:02,503
Okay, yeah,
or eats the last cookie?

253
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:03,629
Or if they
have a pillow fight?

254
00:12:03,706 --> 00:12:05,122
Yeah, have a pillow fight,

255
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,966
and the next thing you know,
I'm being charged

256
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,343
with assault
with a deadly weapon.

257
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,603
You know how they are.

258
00:12:11,255 --> 00:12:12,188
What?

259
00:12:13,382 --> 00:12:15,391
They got a zipper.

260
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,652
(class bell rings)

261
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,938
Oh, look.
There's your friend.

262
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:22,607
The one who's trying
to take our house.

263
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,275
Is not. Shut up.

264
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:25,952
(laughs)

265
00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:28,813
Sorry you missed it, Bryana.

266
00:12:28,890 --> 00:12:31,073
All your dad had to do
was sign a piece of paper.

267
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:33,451
My dad said that
your uncle's being cheap.

268
00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:36,829
Well, my uncle said that
your dad is using you
to steal from us.

269
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,299
I got to go.
My arm hurts.

270
00:12:43,704 --> 00:12:45,346
(doorbell rings)

271
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,767
Hey.

272
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,393
What are you
doing here, Burt?

273
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,453
Look, Riley came home
today in tears.

274
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,681
I guess she and Bryana got
into a fight over what happened
the other night.

275
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:58,643
Oh, let me guess:
you're going to sue me
for pain and suffering?

276
00:12:58,719 --> 00:13:00,812
Please, this whole lawsuit thing

277
00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:02,814
has taken on a life
that we never intended.

278
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:04,941
And I think it's setting
a bad example for the girls.

279
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:07,068
Hallelujah.
You're finally getting it.

280
00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:08,986
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

281
00:13:09,063 --> 00:13:10,988
Sure, sure.

282
00:13:11,065 --> 00:13:13,825
So, um...
in the interest of the kids,

283
00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:15,493
why don't you just, uh,

284
00:13:15,570 --> 00:13:18,371
cut me a check for, say, 25K?

285
00:13:18,447 --> 00:13:22,500
So you mean to tell me you came
all the way over here for money?

286
00:13:22,577 --> 00:13:24,761
After calling me
a negligent parent?

287
00:13:25,913 --> 00:13:27,797
So you won't leave
here empty-handed,

288
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:31,425
let me give you something:
a countersuit.

289
00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:32,844
Yeah.

290
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,188
For defamation of character.

291
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:42,895
You just be there at 1:00.

292
00:13:42,972 --> 00:13:44,823
And you have your game face.

293
00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:48,276
Yeah, baby.
(phone beeps)

294
00:13:48,352 --> 00:13:49,735
So the deposition's
at 1:00?

295
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,328
One o'clock.

296
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,197
They don't even know what
they're in for, sweetheart.

297
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:55,241
Mickey's going
to eat them alive.

298
00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:56,450
Yeah, well,
he'd better.

299
00:13:56,527 --> 00:13:58,369
'Cause if he don't, I will.

300
00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:00,037
Trying to take
advantage of us?

301
00:14:00,114 --> 00:14:01,673
Those people must
be crazy.

302
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,193
(sneers) Nice going, Bryana.

303
00:14:05,269 --> 00:14:07,336
Remember what happened
last time we were in court?

304
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,973
We lost our mom.
(sighs)

305
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:12,892
(sighing)

306
00:14:13,711 --> 00:14:15,553
You...

307
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:18,097
Oh, there go my tiger
shark right there.

308
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:19,357
Sorry I'm late.

309
00:14:19,434 --> 00:14:21,058
For some reason
double homicides

310
00:14:21,135 --> 00:14:23,060
always generate three
times the work.

311
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:26,188
(chuckles)
What's he doing here?

312
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:28,065
Me? Well, that's simple.

313
00:14:28,142 --> 00:14:29,400
Let's see, you
represent the Quiggs,

314
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:32,153
off-the-rack over here
is representing

315
00:14:32,229 --> 00:14:33,738
Bernie's
insurance company.

316
00:14:33,814 --> 00:14:35,489
Why don't you
two get together,

317
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,241
work something out,
make yourselves happy.

318
00:14:37,318 --> 00:14:39,619
I'm sure you'll make
nice dance partners.

319
00:14:39,695 --> 00:14:42,121
I'm here to make sure
Mr. Bernie Mac is happy.

320
00:14:42,198 --> 00:14:46,083
And I ain't copping
no negligent parent
charge, either.

321
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,971
So, let your
nightmare begin.
Tonight.

322
00:14:51,832 --> 00:14:54,675
BERNIE: How's the family?
MICKEY: Good, good. Thanks.

323
00:14:54,752 --> 00:14:56,477
Everybody's well.

324
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,305
So, Riley, it's fair
to say that, apart

325
00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:02,859
from breaking it, you suffer
no real discomfort, huh?

326
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,153
It itches sometimes.

327
00:15:05,229 --> 00:15:07,772
My crack itch, but you
don't see me suing nobody.

328
00:15:07,848 --> 00:15:10,107
MICKEY: Bernie,
let me handle this.

329
00:15:10,184 --> 00:15:11,651
Go for it.
Now, you think
that itching

330
00:15:11,727 --> 00:15:14,287
would go away if we
were to give you, uh,

331
00:15:14,364 --> 00:15:17,916
I don't know,
say $50,000?

332
00:15:23,698 --> 00:15:26,290
Uh, maybe I
could buy a pony.

333
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,792
Pony?
Well, sure.

334
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:32,797
God, I love deposing kids.
(Bernie laughs)

335
00:15:32,873 --> 00:15:35,424
All right, now. Don't worry.
I'll do the holding.

336
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:38,686
All I need you to do
is to finger a simple C chord.

337
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,514
Dad?

338
00:15:41,590 --> 00:15:43,808
Dad can't help you now,
sweetheart.

339
00:15:43,884 --> 00:15:45,068
Yeah, come on.

340
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:48,980
C chord is the foundation
of the basic violin.

341
00:15:49,056 --> 00:15:50,564
I mean, surely
a violin prodigy

342
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:53,493
such as yourself
would know how
to do that.

343
00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:57,029
There's blood in the water.

344
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,581
(chomping)

345
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:02,201
(swallows)

346
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:03,911
All gone.

347
00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:05,755
My face (indistinct).

348
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,667
And did you read
the disclaimer

349
00:16:09,744 --> 00:16:11,886
on maximum occupancy
for the temporary structure?

350
00:16:12,788 --> 00:16:13,972
(chuckles)

351
00:16:15,124 --> 00:16:16,966
Temporary structure?

352
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,759
Man, it was a moon bounce.

353
00:16:18,836 --> 00:16:21,345
Man, this is just
some bull.

354
00:16:21,422 --> 00:16:22,930
The question stands.

355
00:16:23,007 --> 00:16:26,559
Let the record show
it was a six person
limit, yes, yes.

356
00:16:26,635 --> 00:16:30,438
And when Riley, uh,
broke her wrist,

357
00:16:30,514 --> 00:16:33,065
was that being adhered to?
Yes.

358
00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:36,902
Baby Girl was the only one
in there at the time, yes.

359
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,863
So you left two children

360
00:16:38,939 --> 00:16:41,407
unsupervised in
a highly pressurized

361
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,711
gas-filled temporary structure.

362
00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:50,499
Look, man, we was lighting
the birthday cake at the time.

363
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:54,095
Good God! Now you've introduced
fire into the situation?

364
00:16:55,790 --> 00:16:58,382
How come I'm being held
the negligent parent here?

365
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,885
Burt just-- is just
as responsible.

366
00:17:00,961 --> 00:17:03,521
He left his child
in a stranger's home.

367
00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:09,402
So you admit you're not
a responsible caregiver?

368
00:17:15,142 --> 00:17:17,452
Um...
When we resume tomorrow,

369
00:17:17,528 --> 00:17:19,412
we'll want to speak
with Bryana.

370
00:17:19,489 --> 00:17:21,539
Really appreciate it.
You're welcome.

371
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,617
How we doing?

372
00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:27,078
Well, we were doing fine
before you started talking.

373
00:17:27,154 --> 00:17:28,579
I-I'll tell you
another thing.

374
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:31,040
Bryana had better be
really good tomorrow.

375
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,592
Oh, she will,
she will.

376
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,669
(up-tempo music playing)

377
00:17:35,746 --> 00:17:37,671
Do I have to do this?

378
00:17:37,748 --> 00:17:39,673
Yes, you do, Baby Girl.

379
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:42,551
That's why we keep
going over this.

380
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,937
You want them
to walk all over us?

381
00:17:45,014 --> 00:17:47,106
Do you want them to think
I'm a negligent parent?

382
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:49,609
Well, come on.

383
00:17:50,719 --> 00:17:52,937
Now, once again,
were you aware

384
00:17:53,013 --> 00:17:55,898
of the occupancy guideline
for the temporary structure?

385
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,451
Were you or were you not?
Um...

386
00:17:58,528 --> 00:18:00,861
You can't be humming
and humming around!

387
00:18:00,938 --> 00:18:02,705
We done been through
this, baby girl.

388
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,616
Focus!
Uh, Bernie.

389
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,076
Huh?
Can I have a word?

390
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:09,328
Sure, I'll be--
I'll be right there, baby.

391
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:11,622
These lawyers
ain't no joke.

392
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,165
They get inside your head

393
00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:15,334
and scramble it like
a scrambled egg, do you hear me?

394
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:17,128
Bernie.
What?!

395
00:18:17,204 --> 00:18:19,097
Please come here!

396
00:18:19,915 --> 00:18:21,257
And don't think,
because you're cute,

397
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:22,934
that they're going
to play with you.

398
00:18:23,752 --> 00:18:26,470
They kill cute people.
Handicapped.

399
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,980
I seen what they did
with a cat in a wheelchair.

400
00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:30,566
Rolled him down,
took the brake off.

401
00:18:31,352 --> 00:18:32,634
What do you think you're...?

402
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,311
Those lawyers are tough--
that's what I think.

403
00:18:34,388 --> 00:18:36,856
And, if I don't prep
Baby Girl right now,

404
00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:38,265
let me tell
you something--

405
00:18:38,342 --> 00:18:39,366
she won't be able
to handle the pressure.

406
00:18:39,444 --> 00:18:41,026
So what do you think
you're doing

407
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,279
by putting the pressure
that you're putting on her?

408
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:46,657
I got a job to do,
doggone it,

409
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,242
and I'm going to do it.

410
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,202
Well, you know what?

411
00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:55,049
For the first time,
you actually are acting
like a negligent parent.

412
00:18:55,126 --> 00:18:56,750
Wha-What?

413
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,003
Okay, baby girl,
you ready?

414
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:01,589
It's game time.

415
00:19:01,665 --> 00:19:03,966
Your Uncle Bernie's good
name is riding on this.

416
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,969
You got to be tough.
You got to have ice water
in your veins.

417
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,262
You understand me?

418
00:19:08,339 --> 00:19:10,139
Everything
is counting on you.

419
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:12,600
You ready?
(shakily) Um...

420
00:19:12,676 --> 00:19:15,978
Oh, baby girl,
we've been through "um."

421
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,906
I don't like this.
Please don't make me.

422
00:19:22,269 --> 00:19:24,036
(mutters)

423
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:27,123
Damn.

424
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:37,124
Hey, there he is,
Mr. Bernie Mac.

425
00:19:37,201 --> 00:19:39,919
So, where's our little
star witness, huh?

426
00:19:39,995 --> 00:19:42,796
You know what, Mick?
I decided that, uh,

427
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,758
she's not going
to take the stand today.

428
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,810
What? Wait a minute.
You know what this means?

429
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,256
Yes, I know what it means.

430
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:55,059
But what about the... what
about the negligent parent?

431
00:19:55,135 --> 00:19:56,977
(Staple Singers:
"Respect Yourself" playing)

432
00:19:57,054 --> 00:19:58,896
You know what?
I've been thinking.

433
00:19:58,973 --> 00:20:02,074
I'd rather be called
a negligent parent

434
00:20:02,151 --> 00:20:03,701
than be one.

435
00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:07,529
♪ If you disrespect
everybody that you... ♪

436
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:10,407
All right.
I'll handle it.

437
00:20:10,484 --> 00:20:11,667
Thank you.

438
00:20:12,695 --> 00:20:14,837
♪ Just get out the way ♪

439
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:18,341
♪ And let the gentleman
do his thing ♪

440
00:20:20,244 --> 00:20:21,585
♪ Respect yourself ♪

441
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,337
Come on, Baby Girl,
let's go.

442
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:24,672
You're off the hook.

443
00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:26,766
I'm sorry, Uncle Bernie.

444
00:20:27,501 --> 00:20:28,851
What, what you apologizing for?

445
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,761
Now we're gonna
lose our house

446
00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:32,313
and have to live in a shelter.

447
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,858
What? Who told you that?
Jordan.

448
00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:40,521
Look, I'll deal with Jordan.

449
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:42,114
But you forgot one thing.

450
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,276
You forgot to go
and say good-bye

451
00:20:45,352 --> 00:20:46,443
to your girlfriend Riley.

452
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,079
Oh, yeah!

453
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,411
I guess you could say
that Baby Girl's birthday

454
00:20:55,487 --> 00:21:00,124
went a little over budget,
but what's more important

455
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,043
is that Bernie Mac
is still a good parent.

456
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,380
Speaking of which,
y'all need to excuse me.

457
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,800
There's a little magician
I need to make disappear.

458
00:21:09,877 --> 00:21:14,096
And, America, if you see him,

459
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:15,314
hold him for me.

460
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,317
♪ Respect yourself ♪

461
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:25,482
Hospital bill?

462
00:21:25,559 --> 00:21:27,484
"Soft neck tissue X-ray."

463
00:21:27,561 --> 00:21:30,195
Look at this. $75.

464
00:21:30,272 --> 00:21:33,699
"Looked at." $150.

465
00:21:33,776 --> 00:21:35,793
When the hell
you heard of "looked at"?

466
00:21:36,779 --> 00:21:38,796
Ugh. "Medication."

467
00:21:40,115 --> 00:21:43,801
"Viacon." $455.

468
00:21:45,245 --> 00:21:46,670
"Viagra."

469
00:21:46,747 --> 00:21:48,597
Oh, that's mine.

470
00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,273
Captioned by Visual Data